I was watching Mulan last night and I realized how similar that story line is to my life. I have been a bit down lately because I'm realizing that I don't really have a place yet. I know I'm just finishing up college, but I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. Tonight I was watching the interview Google conducted of Lady Gaga and she is so inspiring. She's four years older than I am and has accomplished so much. Clearly she knows Music and Visual Art.. but what am I to do? Graphic Design comes to me so naturally that I don't see it as a talent... sure I may be good at what I do, but its comes from years of paying attention to visual details and playing around with graphics since age 11. I got all the beginner stage stuff out of my system then, and since then progressed since then. I like graphic design, but I feel like its not going to be what I want to do for the rest of my life. I feel like its something to support me, not to define me as an artist.

I'm still struggling to find that spot, that defines me as an artist.

I have played flute since the 3rd grade and stopped my freshman year of college because I felt I wasn't up to par with the music department here and felt that music was more of a hobby than what I wanted to do with my life. I took up the harp Sophomore year because it was an instrument rarely played and thought it would define me more as musician.

Because of my disability any other test-orientated subject was beyond my abilities and motivation. I didn't want to spend my college days studying and being cooped up in my room or the library which would have been the case in order to pass anything. I wanted to enjoy college which is why I went with graphic design (even though graphic design coops me up too, I hope you get the point...).

I just feel like in my second to last semester of college I should be more defined as an artist. I know that I do like science, spirituality and its influences on art... but how am I supposed to use that? How am I suppose to illuminate and enlighten the world in that combination when those two things together are extremely controversial?

And controversy confuses the shit out of people, and while life is meant to be confusing, its not something I want when people view my work.

Then the other person I am inspired by is Doe Deere , whom I have met... She is another person who puts on a persona just like Gaga as Mother Monster. Maybe that's what I'm ought to do, is to build a persona?

But again that very idea of building a persona confuses people because it shows that you're trying to hide your own identity as if you are afraid of it, but in Gaga's case, she makes her "monster" persona apart of herself, its her 24/7. Whereas maybe Doe Deere appears to only show her persona when she updates... i don't know, when I met her she was a different person than when she is now...

I have always dreamed of building fantasy worlds in an open warehouse, I suppose set design would be the ideal term, and Lori Nix is a favorite inspiration for that... but that tends to get expensive.

I suppose everything will come in Time..

If my parents ask me what I want as a graduation present, I think I may suggest this:

Desert Elephant Project from £675 (2 weeks)
Namib Desert, NamibiaRef: AV039
The Desert Elephant project takes volunteers out to the north west region of the Namib Desert, Damaraland, one of the most scenic wilderness areas of Namibia which runs parallel to the Skeleton Coast National Park and is home to a small population of desert elephants. The project started in 2001 in response to increased competition between the desert elephants and the human inhabitants of the region for the natural resources of water and grazing. A depletion in the natural water table and increased human use has led to less water being available for the elephants. Water points have been created close to river beds and as farms are generally located close to these water sources, much damage has been done to buildings, livestock and even humans by the elephants in their search for fresh water. Volunteers help to address the conflict between these rural communities and the desert elephant with solutions that allow them to coexist peacefully. The long term welfare of these fantastic animals is addressed through safeguarding farmers water supplies, building new water points for the elephants, educating the local community and valuable elephant herd research. Volunteers will spend their time getting close to nature in stunning surroundings camping out under the stars. A very popular project appealing to volunteers wanting a truly wilderness adventure - and early booking is recommended.

Sourcel

Elephants are my absolute favorite animal. I feel like its about time to spend quality time with them :-)